Last year, Gov. Bill Walker proclaimed April \u201cBear Awareness Month.\u201d At the time I thought, \u201cGreat start, but what about Alaska\u2019s other indigenous animals? Where\u2019s their awareness campaign? At the very least, let\u2019s designate a \u2018Ptarmigan Empowerment Week\u2019 or something.\u201d<\/p>\n
How refreshing to learn, then, that the state recently honored another local wildlife icon by passing House Bill 128, thereby establishing Aug. 10 of each year as Alaska Wild Salmon Day.<\/p>\n
Yes! Congratulations, Alaska wild salmon\u2014you\u2019ve come a long way, baby.<\/p>\n
Seriously, it couldn\u2019t have happened to a nicer genus of the family Salmonidae. Okay, so you didn\u2019t get a whole month. And in 2016, Aug. 10 falls on a Wednesday, so not even a three-day weekend. Plus, you\u2019ll have to share the date with International Biodiesel Day, but honestly, I bet Alaska Wild Salmon Day quickly achieves greater popularity, simply for ease of celebration. I mean, try throwing a slab of biodiesel on the barbecue and see what happens \u2026<\/p>\n
Point is, it\u2019s about time someone recognized Alaska\u2019s most abundant resource (next to drive-thru espresso).<\/p>\n
In addition to its economic importance, cultural significance and surprising deliciousness when made into jerky, Alaska wild salmon serve as what biologists call \u201ckeystone species,\u201d supporting a wide range of life from birds to bears to marine mammals to Whole Foods shoppers in the Lower 48. Also, they transfer tons of nutrients from the ocean to the forest, both as carcasses and in predator feces; it\u2019s a dirty job, but somebody\u2019s got to do it. In many ways, salmon are the reason why humans settled in Alaska in the first place (well, except me; my girlfriend was moving up here and it was just easier to pack up all our stuff than separate it out).<\/p>\n
Obviously, Alaska wild salmon come in five distinct species:<\/p>\n
Chinook, also known as king, blackmouth or 50-rod-hours-and-I-still-haven\u2019t-bagged-one-damn salmon. The largest of all Alaska wild salmon, kings frequently exceed 30 pounds, except in stories about ones that got away, in which they weigh 80-90 pounds, easy.<\/p>\n
Chum. Despite their plenty in Alaska, chum salmon are the least commercially valuable. Perhaps it\u2019s time for a new marketing name? How about \u201cSalmon Ultra\u201d? Or get KFC to offer it with bacon, melted cheese and secret sauce pinched between two fried chicken filets \u2014 the Chum Salmon Double Down (or Chumble Down, for short). Can\u2019t miss.<\/p>\n
Coho. Also known as silver salmon, or \u201cthe cute one,\u201d coho is an important commercial, sport and subsistence species, regarded as excellent table fare. Unless you get distracted checking baseball scores on your phone and leave it on the grill too long. Again. You really should put that thing away when you\u2019re working with fire.<\/p>\n
Pink. Often called \u201chumpies,\u201d pink salmon rank as the smallest Alaska wild species and most abundant \u2014 like the Honda Accord. As such, pink salmon is a mainstay of the commercial industry \u2014 also like the Honda Accord. When spawning, male humpies turn reddish in color and develop humped backs and hooked jaws. They also start using cheesy pickup lines like \u201cmigrate here often?\u201d and \u201cyour fish weir or mine?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sockeye. Also called red salmon for the deep orange color they take on during spawning (as well as their communist political ideology). Unlike Alaska\u2019s other wild salmon species, sockeye feed on zooplankton instead of other fish. This diet may be responsible for the striking color of sockeye meat, as well as its firmer texture and stronger flavor\u2014the same reason why zombies prefer vegetarians.<\/p>\n
Regardless of species, all Alaska wild salmon are \u201canadromous.\u201d They are born in one of the state\u2019s numerous freshwater streams or rivers, where they spend six months to three years, leaving home for the ocean to become sexually mature \u2014 sort of like salmon Rumspringa. Alaska wild salmon then return to reproduce, often to the exact same stream they, themselves, were spawned. A growing trend, most salmon opt for a \u201cwater birth.\u201d<\/p>\n
Scientists believe this remarkable homing behavior, in which salmon find their way across vast expanses of ocean, depends on olfactory memory. This makes sense \u2014 you can smell a spawned-out salmon stream a thousand miles away. And it emphasizes a simple truth: the best part about leaving Alaska is coming back to Alaska.<\/p>\n
Anyway, only 16 shopping days left until the very first Alaska Wild Salmon Day, so better start prepping now. I, myself, just put the finishing touches on my salmon nativity scene \u2014 the roe look great, but I had a little accident with the white paint I was using for the, um, \u201cfertilizer.\u201d Oh, well. You know what they say: no use crying over spilled milt.<\/p>\n
Of course, I\u2019ll also be carving up a bunch of salm-o-lanterns \u2014 fish heads with the eyes gouged-out and lit candles in their mouths \u2014 while sipping salmon nog and waiting for a visit from the Salmon Bunny. Oh, and I\u2019ve already brainstormed my costume. This year, I\u2019m going as the superhero Salmon Man, or, as he\u2019s known in Jamaica, Salmon Mon.<\/p>\n
Happy Alaska Wild Salmon Day, everyone. And let\u2019s not forget the reason for the season: it\u2019s a lot easier for legislature to proclaim holidays than fix a several billion dollar budgetary deficit.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Geoff Kirsch is a Juneau-based writer and humorist. \u201cSlack Tide\u201d appears every second and fourth Sunday in Neighbors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last year, Gov. Bill Walker proclaimed April \u201cBear Awareness Month.\u201d At the time I thought, \u201cGreat start, but what about Alaska\u2019s other indigenous animals? Where\u2019s their awareness campaign? At the very least, let\u2019s designate a \u2018Ptarmigan Empowerment Week\u2019 or something.\u201d How refreshing to learn, then, that the state recently honored another local wildlife icon by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","wds_primary_category":7,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-12481","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12481","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/107"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12481"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12481\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12481"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=12481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}