I go to the grocery store four times a week, at a minimum. Sometimes I go twice a day. Yesterday my groceries weren\u2019t even unloaded before there were three more items on my list for the next time. That\u2019s like when the kid is rummaging in the refrigerator before the supper dishes are even washed. Sometimes I can\u2019t even make it from the store to the car before I think of something else I was supposed to buy. Those are the times when I wish I carried a handy pair of Groucho glasses in the car for a quick disguise. There\u2019s nothing more embarrassing than standing in the checkout line to be greeted by the cashier with, \u201cBack again?\u201d<\/p>\n
So, with all these trips to the store, I think it\u2019s safe for me to say that I am a grocery shopping expert. If you ever need someone to testify under oath about the suburban shopping experience, I\u2019m your woman.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s a bit of grocery shopping wisdom:<\/p>\n
Most grocery stores are laid out on a similar pattern, with the produce section against the far wall and the dry goods in the center of the store. If that works, there\u2019s no reason to mess with it, right? There\u2019s no need to rearrange. How are we supposed to find the granola bars with a new setup?<\/p>\n
As a matter of fact, \u201cnew and improved\u201d is the last thing customers want. We\u2019re looking for \u201cold and familiar, just the way it\u2019s always been.\u201d Why else would we stick with familiar food labels when they may be more expensive than the alternatives? Brand loyalty is all about keeping things the way we like them, which ultimately means the way they were when we were kids.<\/p>\n
Take watermelon, for example. Watermelon has undergone a lamentable transition since I was a kid. Back in the day you could get bright red slices of sweet, juicy watermelon riddled with big, black seeds. You could easily retrieve those seeds from your mouth and spit them all the way across the yard. Or, if you didn\u2019t want to run the risk of swallowing them and having a watermelon plant grow in your stomach, you could flick them out of the watermelon with a practiced fingernail. Fast forward to today, the era of \u201cseedless\u201d watermelon. I\u2019d like to know just exactly what they\u2019re talking about, since every slice of a \u201cseedless\u201d watermelon is full of tiny, annoying, unspittable little white seeds. They\u2019re all still there. They\u2019re just small and soft and good for nothing\u2014and if those watermelon breeders think I\u2019m going to eat them the way my mother thought I should eat salmon bones in canned salmon just because they\u2019re soft, they\u2019ve got another think coming!<\/p>\n
While we\u2019re on the subject of fruit, what\u2019s up with those little stickers pasted onto each individual piece of fruit? Surely they\u2019re not for human consumption. Here\u2019s where things get tricky. It\u2019s impossible to get them off. That\u2019s not a big deal for an orange or a watermelon, but peaches and nectarines are another story. You try to peel the sticker off, and end up with a lovely, fuzzy peach with a fingernail-sized divot gouged out of it where the sticker used to be. Then there are other times when you succeed in prying the sticker off an apple without breaking the skin, only to find out that its main function was to cover up a bad spot. That\u2019s a bad day.<\/p>\n
Of course, there are some really fun aspects to grocery shopping as well. If you\u2019re a little kid, you get to ride in the cart and look at the lobsters in the fish tank all climbing on top of one another, and listen to your mom tell you how lucky you are that you only have to share your room with one of your siblings. If you\u2019re a grownup who\u2019s allergic to lobster, you can scoot right past that fish tank and focus on checking items off your list, assuming that you didn\u2019t leave the list at home on the kitchen counter. You can look forward to the next grocery store promotion that will have you saving little bits of paper on some kind of a game board to win some dishes or gift cards or maybe a million dollars. The more you shop, the more chances you have to win! I figure I\u2019ve got a better chance thanmost people. I go grocery shopping at least four times a week, remember?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u2022 Peggy McKee Barnhill is a wife, mother and debut author who writes cozy mysteries under the name \u201cGreta McKennan.\u201d Her first novel, Uniformly Dead, is now available at Hearthside Books. She likes to look at the bright side of life.<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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