Nothing complements a bleak winter day like coffee (except maybe French-fries and Radiohead).<\/p>\n
Come to think of it, coffee pairs well with everything, even weight lifting. Yes, weight lifting. Let me explain. I have what some people call an \u201caddictive personality\u201d \u2014 although I prefer to think of myself as \u201cDionysian\u201d \u2014 and for a brief period of time, once upon a time, I was hooked on strength training. Drinking coffee during workouts supposedly boosts your power and endurance. For me this proved true. The donuts, however, were probably counter-productive.<\/p>\n
Well, you\u2019ll be glad to know I kicked that nasty physical fitness habit ages ago. But my coffee habit rages stronger than ever, mostly because it\u2019s the one addiction my wife lets me keep.<\/p>\n
I chain-drink coffee all day, every day. Aside from several hours in the evening when I\u2019m wont to enjoy a cold beverage, I generally stick to the hot stuff. Doesn\u2019t that mess with my sleep? Couldn\u2019t say \u2014 I\u2019ve been awake since 2008.<\/p>\n
And I know I\u2019m not the only one who bows before this dark, steamy master. Coffee ranks as the second-most consumed beverage on earth \u2014 2.25 billion cups a day \u2014 eclipsed only by water, and that\u2019s just because everyone\u2019s trying to rinse out all that gross coffee breath. In the U.S., more than 150 million Americans report using \u2014 sorry, I mean \u201cdrinking\u201d \u2014 coffee regularly. Want to start a zombie apocalypse? Shut down Starbucks.<\/p>\n
We Alaskans, in particular, love ourselves a good cuppa. Of course, up here temptation lurks everywhere. If you think Juneau\u2019s flooded with drive thru espresso stands, you should check out Anchorage sometime; there\u2019s literally a pusher on every street corner (and in most parking lots).<\/p>\n
Make no mistake, coffee is a drug. Aside from caffeine, a well-documented stimulant, scientists have recently identified other compounds in its composition known to effect body chemistry, including several mild psychotropic substances. \u201cPsychotropic stimulant\u201d \u2014 I\u2019m no eighth-grade health teacher, but that sure sounds like drugs to me.<\/p>\n
On the flip side, coffee may actually possess some health benefits. Studies show it can reduce the risk of Alzheimer\u2019s, Parkinson\u2019s and gallstones; enhance cognitive performance and possibly even help prevent Type 2 diabetes. Coffee also makes a delicious ice cream flavor, whereas crushed-up Adderall and synthetic insulin do not.<\/p>\n
Still, one summer break during college I drove a truck for an off-site catering company, and the foreman specifically warned us not to dump returning urns down the parking lot storm drain. Why? Because coffee ate away the asphalt. Surely the same substance can\u2019t be good for the digestive tract, which I\u2019d imagine is quite a bit more expensive to repave.<\/p>\n
No question some people can handle their coffee better than others. For example: unlike a Dionysian such as myself, for whom the merest taste sparks a week-long binge, my wife can limit herself to one cup and one cup only. But deprive her of that and it becomes like a scene from \u201cTrainspotting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hence, we go to great lengths forestalling this eventuality.<\/p>\n
First, there\u2019s the auto-drip. If that breaks \u2014 no coffee maker we\u2019ve ever owned lives to see its second birthday \u2014 or the power fails, we fall back on a Brazilian press. Not a French press; a Brazilian press. I got it a few years ago, when Brazilians were all the rage; but now I\u2019m thinking about going back (I hear Gwyneth Paltrow has). And then there\u2019s all the random pieces of camping coffee equipment I\u2019ve accumulated over the years, thank you very much REI clearance catalog.<\/p>\n
In our house, we\u2019ll run out of milk but never half n\u2019 half. Sometimes I can\u2019t even scrape together ingredients for rice n\u2019 beans (in which case I whip up a batch of my famous beans n\u2019 beans). But we always have enough grounds to hold us until the store opens, which, on Sundays, isn\u2019t until 8 am. This can be as many as three hours after I\u2019m wakened with demands for help with some 1,000-piece Lego set. Call me old-fashioned, but when I was a kid I built my own Legos.<\/p>\n
Anyway, all this gives me pause. If I laid in the same supply of a more illicit substance, that\u2019d be legitimately worrisome. And it only gets worse with further self-assessment:<\/p>\n
Do you ever drink coffee alone?<\/p>\n
Constantly.<\/p>\n
Do you drink coffee first thing in the morning?<\/p>\n
It\u2019s the only thing that gets me out of bed. That and a tiny finger repeatedly poking me in the eye, accompanied by a squeaky little voice whining, \u201cDaddy, Daddy, help me with my Legos. Daddy, Daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Do you stash coffee all over your house?<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a mug on every flat surface.<\/p>\n
Are you worried about your coffee drinking?<\/p>\n
Nah, not really. But I\u2019m a staunch believer in the power of denial.<\/p>\n
So, for now at least, with respect to my coffee addiction I think I\u2019ll take the advice of that girl from \u201cFrozen\u201d and just \u201clet it go.\u201d Also, I won\u2019t hold it back anymore.<\/p>\n
And should the situation ever really deteriorate I can always call Dr. Drew from \u201cCelebrity Rehab.\u201d What? Who\u2019s to say I\u2019m not a celebrity? Worst-case scenario, I\u2019ll pose as Axl Rose. Have you seen a photo of that dude lately? Now I don\u2019t like labeling people as \u201cfat\u201d but let\u2019s just say that if he ran for president I could totally be his body double. Of course, I\u2019m not sure where I\u2019d find size 3XL leather pants around here.<\/p>\n
Speaking of which, anyone know where a guy can score some \u201ccivet\u201d in this town? You know, that super gourmet coffee made from beans eaten, partially digested and defecated by the Asian palm civet?<\/p>\n
In a recent moment of desperation, I tried that with our neighbor\u2019s cat. I mean, it came out tasting okay, but it\u2019s definitely not worth $75 a pound.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cSlack Tide\u201d runs every other Sunday in Neighbors. Follow Geoff\u2019s daily Twitter feed @geoffkirsch.com.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Nothing complements a bleak winter day like coffee (except maybe French-fries and Radiohead). Come to think of it, coffee pairs well with everything, even weight lifting. Yes, weight lifting. Let me explain. I have what some people call an \u201caddictive personality\u201d \u2014 although I prefer to think of myself as \u201cDionysian\u201d \u2014 and for a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":107,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","wds_primary_category":7,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-27942","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27942","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/107"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27942"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27942\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27942"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27942"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27942"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=27942"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}