Few people appreciate what goes into being a mom like a stay-at-home dad.<\/p>\n
Eight years ago, my wife and I faced that all-important question: which one of us would go back to work after family leave? She was a lawyer; I was unemployed. The decision made itself (and we both got to keep our respective careers).<\/p>\n
Since then, I\u2019ve spent nearly a decade embedded with an army of moms; I\u2019m right down in trenches alongside them, wipin\u2019 butts and takin\u2019 names. And let me tell you, these moms are some bad mama jamas.<\/p>\n
The demands of motherhood are incredible\u2014just laundry, alone. And the rewards? Well, the rewards usually entail more laundry. So much laundry.<\/p>\n
Raising children is a full-time job (only with bosses who still sometimes wet the bed \u2026 and it\u2019s your bed). For most moms, that\u2019s in addition to your \u201cregular\u201d full-time job \u2026 and possibly even another part-time job after that. Or at least a little side gig hawking essential oils.<\/p>\n
True, attitudes continue to shift regarding gender roles in parenting; today\u2019s dads are, by and large, more involved in child-rearing\u2014especially if it can be achieved without having to put down their beer. But inequality persists. For instance, group texts have been flying fast and furious lately about summer camp plans. I\u2019m the only person on that distribution list who pees standing up (at least that I know of), just like how emails from my son\u2019s old baby playgroup used to start \u201cHey, Ladies (and Geoff).\u201d And have you been to a kid\u2019s birthday party, lately? It\u2019s like a yoga pants convention. Sponsored by La Croix.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve noticed similar mom-dominance, or \u201cmominance,\u201d at doctor\u2019s appointments swim club practice, figure skating lessons, Girl Scouts meetings (actually, even I usually bail on those) \u2014 basically, anything that entails the shuttling back-and-forth of kids, gear and snacks. Can\u2019t forget the snacks; perish the thought of an activity without snacks.<\/p>\n
Point is, even in 2016 \u2014 the year we may very well see this country\u2019s first female president \u2014 society still expects moms to shoulder an unequal share of parental responsibilities. And this is on top of their already disproportionate physical burden. Mom carries a child inside her body for nine months; dad\u2019s biological contribution is done in what, like four minutes?<\/p>\n
All this bears recognizing, especially today, Mother\u2019s Day. In fact, is that the best we can give our moms? One measly day? I say we make it a whole week \u2026 or at the very least a Mother\u2019s Thursday-through-Sunday. Four-day weekend!<\/p>\n
Of course, Alaska moms are in a league of their own (and I don\u2019t mean a recreational hockey league, although that\u2019s true of many Alaska moms, too).<\/p>\n
First of all, the weather up here adds degrees of difficulty to every pursuit\u2014perhaps none more than parenting, as anyone who\u2019s ever tried keeping mittens on a toddler can attest.<\/p>\n
And then, there\u2019s the mess. Alaska is messy. Kids are messy. Together, they\u2019re my mom\u2019s worst nightmare. Seriously, the woman brings her own rubber gloves every time she visits.<\/p>\n
In Alaska, the prospect of bear mauling is always a possibility \u2014 I used to walk my infant daughter blasting \u201cSlayer\u201d on the trail \u2014 and an eagle might very well snatch your baby right out of your Bjorn. Also, if there\u2019s any water, at least one if not all of your children will fall into that water \u2014 \u201caccidentally\u201d \u2014 especially if you didn\u2019t bring a change of clothes and are still several miles from anywhere resembling warm and dry.<\/p>\n
Plus, Alaska moms know stuff \u2014 like home remedies involving olive oil and inventive uses for old yogurt containers, but also how to jump a car battery or operate an excavator.<\/p>\n
Alaska moms are fishing boat captains, wilderness guides, carpenters, mountaineers, ski racers, welders, doulas, miners, ultra-runners, truck drivers and senior U.S. Senators. And then there\u2019s the most famous Alaska mom of all \u2014 the mother of all mothers, so to speak \u2014 mama grizz, herself, Sarah Palin, or, as I like to call her, She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.<\/p>\n
Actually, that\u2019s a bit harsh, likening Sarah Palin to Voldemort \u2014 especially on Mother\u2019s Day. Although, even the Ministry of Magic can\u2019t deny: she\u2019s back.<\/p>\n
But you know what? Part of me secretly hopes Palin gets tapped again for vice-presidential running mate. Think of what that would mean for the state\u2019s economy, in T-shirt sales alone.<\/p>\n
And he\u2019s just crazy enough to do it, too. You know who I\u2019m talking about: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.<\/p>\n
Actually, that\u2019s not a fair comparison to Voldemort either. Donald Trump is more like He-Who-Must-Be-Named-Constantly-In-Fact-He-Puts-His-Name-On-Everything-In-Big-Bold-Letters.<\/p>\n
Anyway, Happy Mother\u2019s Day to all you moms out there.<\/p>\n
And a special shout out to one in particular: my wife. I may be our kids\u2019 primary caregiver, but I\u2019ll never be their mom. Which is why I buy them so much candy. And never make them bathe.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Geoff Kirsch is a Juneau-based writer and humorist. \u201cSlack Tide\u201d appears every second and fourth Sunday in Neighbors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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