More rain. “Quelle surprise.”<\/p>\n
This depth of apathy can only be conveyed in French.<\/p>\n
Alaska summer daylight wreaks havoc on my sleep cycle no matter the weather.<\/p>\n
Honestly, those late-night jalapeno poppers aren’t exactly helping, either.<\/p>\n
Why did the kids have to give me a FryDaddy® Plus for Father’s Day?<\/p>\n
A prime component of the water cycle, rain is responsible for depositing most of the fresh water on the planet. In Juneau, it’s also responsible for washing most of the cars.<\/p>\n
I really shouldn’t check Apple News. Damn, no going back to sleep now.<\/p>\n
Is 6:07 a.m. too early for Jameson’s in my coffee? I mean, I’m not driving anywhere… for days, realistically.<\/p>\n
I am hereby removing all clothing from my wardrobe made of material that doesn’t end in “-ex”, “-ene” or “-ece.” Maybe I’ll hang on to some Carhartts, you know, in case I need to dress up for socially distant outdoor cocktails.<\/p>\n
No matter the time, no matter the day, conditions have remained exactly the same every time I’ve looked out the window for the past month. And I think I like it.<\/p>\n
Wait, does that make me depressed?<\/p>\n
Wait, does worrying about being depressed make me paranoid?<\/p>\n
It’s early August. The outdoor thermometer reads 47 degrees. My kids are begging me to take them swimming at a lake that’s probably about the same temperature.<\/p>\n
Each year on Earth, 121,000 cubic miles of liquid precipitation falls. That eases my guilt about peeing off the deck.<\/p>\n
I need more coffee.<\/p>\n
#$%*&!<\/p>\n
Better brew up another pot.<\/p>\n
#$&@#%*&#@^!^$^!!!<\/p>\n
Rain is caused by moisture traveling along zones of differing temperatures and pressures, known as weather fronts. It is also caused by deciding — what the hay? — not to put up your tent fly.<\/p>\n
In a pinch, can’t you re-use the same coffee grounds? People steep tea bags more than once. I don’t see why it shouldn’t work.<\/p>\n
Oh, that’s why.<\/p>\n
Looks like it’s Irish coffee, minus the coffee, for me…<\/p>\n
Raindrops, themselves, form when water vapor in the air condenses. Contrary to popular belief, they aren’t shaped like teardrops—they actually look more like hamburger buns, which makes sense, considering how strongly I crave French fries on rainy days.<\/p>\n
How many times do I have to say we’re not going to Auke Lake? Because I’d rather just take care of it all at once.<\/p>\n
How does wet cement ever dry around here?<\/p>\n
Scientists strongly suspect other planets experience rain, though it may be composed of methane, sulfuric acid or molten iron.<\/p>\n
Although, on the other hand, a few scattered molten iron showers might prove a welcome change. And at least it wouldn’t be a cold rain.<\/p>\n
Artists who have recorded songs with the title “Rain.” The Beatles, Madonna, Creed, Jose Feliciano, Debbie Harry, Terence Trent D’Arby. Remember him?<\/p>\n
Is it just me, or is starting to clear up?<\/p>\n
Nope, just me.<\/p>\n
Why did I even bother with a vegetable garden this summer? I should’ve planted rice.<\/p>\n
If all of the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops, we’d be going into hyperglycemic shock right about now.<\/p>\n
The Köppen climate classification system defines a rainforest as receiving at least 69 inches of rainfall a year. Juneau averages 58, which technically makes its climate “humid continental.” Turns out we don’t live in a rainforest after all.<\/p>\n
When people moan about soggy stretches like this, I’m still going to say, “Well, we do live in a rainforest.” Sounds a lot better than “Well, we do live in a humid continental.”<\/p>\n
You know that awesome smell of fresh rain? That comes from petrichor, a plant oil absorbed by rock and soil, released by rainfall. Or Axe Body Spray.<\/p>\n
Cherrapunji, in the Indian Himalayas, is the wettest place on earth, with an average rainfall of 450 inches. Anyone else feeling rain envy?<\/p>\n
I hate wearing sunblock so much more. Let’s not forget about that.<\/p>\n
We’re rapidly approaching Wild Alaska Salmon Day on Aug. 10, when we officially recognize the state’s most abundant resource (next to drive-thru espresso).<\/p>\n
All this rain is destroying my Wild Alaska Salmon Day nativity scene — the roe look great, but the white paint I used for the, um, “fertilizer” started to run. Oh, well. You know what they say: no use crying over spilled milt.<\/p>\n
Man, all this Irish coffee, minus the coffee, is making me sleepy. I’m going back to bed. Wake me when it’s snowing again.<\/p>\n
• Geoff Kirsch is an award-winning Juneau-based writer and humorist. “Slack Tide” appears twice monthly in Neighbors. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The deep thoughts flow like raindrops down the window pane. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":106,"featured_media":62545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","wds_primary_category":9,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,7],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-62544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-home","category-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/106"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=62544"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62544\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/62545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=62544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=62544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=62544"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.juneauempire.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=62544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}