One of the things I have learned as a Christian, and as a pastor for over 30 years, is self-control. In fact, one of the “fruits of the Spirit” mentioned in the New Testament book of Galatians is self-control. I have learned to control my actions in many situations. No, I am not perfect in every situation, but, I have learned over the years the difference between actions and reactions. I remember as a child, when my mother asked me why I punched my brother, I would say, “Because he makes me so mad!” That is a reaction. In other words, my action was under the control of my brother’s action that “made me” punch him. He was in control, not me.
Flip Wilson, a comedian, coined the phrase, “the devil made me do it,” which turned out to be a “cop out” for taking responsibility for a person’s actions. “It wasn’t me doing it, the devil made me do it.” The truth is I choose my own actions. I do not let the devil or others choose for me. I choose how I will act. And if I act wrongly, I must take responsibility. God desires self-control. He desires that instead of reacting under the control of someone who “makes us mad,” we act with self-control. I choose to do right.
Someone may do something that arouses anger within, but we then have a choice how to respond to that anger. Do we act in a Christlike manner, or do we react under the influence of how someone else made us feel? I would choose not to be under the control of someone else, but reflect the nature of God’s mercy and compassion and show a little grace to that person. That doesn’t mean I am not still angry about a situation, but I choose (with self-control) how I will act in response to it.
The New Testament book of Ephesians 4:22-23 tells us about that. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your minds.” Then he illustrates that with the emotion of anger in verse 26-27, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.” I believe what it is saying here is that we have a human right to the emotion of anger. We were created with that emotion. There are things in life that justify anger such as injustice or suffering at the hands of others, or selfish acts that negatively impact others. But I have a choice of how to respond to that anger inside. I can respond or act with vengeance and “pay back” or I can act in a way to actually make a difference in a more constructive way. The “new self” takes that anger and acts without the sin of revenge or payback.
When my daughter was young, she came home from school and she didn’t like something we said or wanted her to do, so she got angry. She stomped off to her room and slammed the door very hard. I brought her out to the dining room and had her read these verses in Ephesians 4:26-27 and instructed that she had a right to be angry because she didn’t like something, but she doesn’t have permission to use that anger to destroy her bedroom door or disobey.
I believe there is a greater underlying principle here. People have tendencies toward sinful behavior and we take some of the natural emotions, tendencies and desires in our hearts and we take wrong paths. We act in a sinful manner. Anger leads to violence. Lust leads to sexual abuse. Coveting leads to stealing. Bitterness leads to revenge. And the list can go on. But when we choose self-control, which is possible with God’s help through His Spirit living in us, we are empowered and able to act in ways that are more in line with loving God and loving our neighbor.
• Dan Wiese is pastor of the Church of the Nazarene.
